lvl_a_i_l`s Jokes....And Hip Hop Songs

[lvl_a_i_l]

artist: loyd banks
song: on fire

[Talking]
New York City
You are now rocking with the best
Lloyd Banks
G-Unit

[Chorus]
We on fire
Up in here, it's burning hot
We on fire
Shell take it off if it get to hot, up in this spot
We on fire
Tear the roof off this motherfucker, light the roof on fire
***** what you say
We get loose in this motherfucker, light the roof on fire fire fire

[Verse 1]
Now I aint putting nothing out, I smoke when I wanna
26-inch chrome spokes on the Hummer
This heat gon last for the whole summer
Running your bitch faster then the Road Runner
Rocks on my wrist, rolls gold under
Glocks on my hip, those throw thunder
Im buying diamond by the pier
But when you stop, the only thing still spinning is your ear
Yeah, im riding with that all black snub
Raiders cap back, all black gloves
Im 80s man, but the boy smack thugs
These record sales ??
Not to mention I bought a pack of clubs
His impacts about as raw as prog was
Now all these new artists getting raw deals
Im only 21, sitting on mills

[Chorus]
We on fire
Up in here, it's burning hot
We on fire
Shell take it off if it get to hot, up in this spot
We on fire
Tear the roof off this motherfucker, light the roof on fire
***** what you say
We get loose in this motherfucker, light the roof on fire fire fire

[Verse 2]
If you know anything about me, then you know im a baller
If I aint hit the first night, I aint gon call her
Im trying to play, you trying to have my daughter
But I can't blame her for what her momma taught her
And I don't care bout what the next ***** bought her
Cause I aint putting no baguettes in her ??
I got a diamond about as clear as water
And I got bread, but I aint spend quarters
So cut the games ma, lets go in the back
Matter fact, turn your ass round, back a ***** down
And I aint bias when im riding through the town
Like em small, like em tall, like em black, like em brown
She gotta be able to cum when I need her
Tight ass pants, little wife beater
Regular chick or R&B diva
Bitch say something, I aint a mind reader

[Chorus]
We on fire
Up in here, it's burning hot
We on fire
Shell take it off if it get to hot, up in this spot
We on fire
Tear the roof off this motherfucker, light the roof on fire
***** what you say
We get loose in this motherfucker, light the roof on fire

[lvl_a_i_l]

Check Des Lyrics Out
Yeah, Its 50 cent, Young Buck
G-g-g-g-g-G-UNIT!
We get the club jumpin' from beginning to the end
Go shawty, we back up in this bitch again
We party, harder than you can imagine
You can run wit losers, or run wit winners and win

[Verse 1]
[Young Buck]
I feel attention when I walk in the club
G-unit to the socks, bitches all on a thug
Gimme a henny on the rocks, and a bottle of bub
I dont need security, this Gorilla enough
I came to ball wit ya'll, pop the bar and all
So bitches call ya hoes, n niggaz call ya dogs
If you love ya wife keep her at home tonight
She might neva come home again *****, aight!
Teeth, neck, wrists all lights my lifes like
Ridin' in Ca$hville runnin all stop lights
Homie is that real, I pray I keep livin
My momma jus hadda dream of seein me in prison
My daddys a dope fein, n i dont really miss him
Aint seen him in 10 years n a ***** still livin
Tha same ol' 2 step we move to a rhythm
50 holla get em' Buck, you know im gunna get em'
Raaaaa!

[Chorus x2]
I know you gonna let me shine n get mine
I know you gonna let me in wit this nine
I know you gonna smoke on my weed
I know you gonna let me drink wit no I.D

[verse 2]
[Young Buck]
I know im sinnin but im winnin at tha same time
Take a couple shots from a ***** tryin ta take mine
I'm back on tha block, wit a choppa n a tech nine
Niggaz shootin cops n the hood runnin stop signs
G-UNIT, The Game! Bitches doin wat tha thugs do
G's, D's, Vice, Lords, Crips n the Blooz too
Move lemme come through
Aint a pair of handcuffs, can hold me
I'm ridin' in the ol' school listenin to some oldies
My goals keep shinin, Them hoes keep cryin
The handle of my 45 outlined in diamonds
Just left Ca$hville, bout to fly to Miami
Hopin Yayo watchin Eminem, preform at the Grammys
Niggaz like Eric Benet, prolly cant stand me
I know money will make Halle Berry come outa them panties
Bitch!

[Hook]
Ya'll niggaz in trouble they shoulda neva let me in (in)

[Chorus x2]

[verse 3]
Bet ya I can make them bounce back
Teach em' how to stunt, teach em' how to counts stacks (yeah)
Now where ya hood at? Buck
If you want to, we 50 deep up in here watchu gonna do
Who want beif, I aint come for no name callin
Dont be mad cuz we is n you aint ballin'
Gettin' money is my motto for you broke folks
Can't spend ya whole life payin on ya car notes
It's alright if you still on the block boy
See ima cold young thug, not a hot boy
You know I do this for the streets, n my peeps thas behind bars
As soon as they come home, I'll go n buy them all cars
Young Buck!

[chorus x2]

[50 cent]
We get the club jumpin' from beginning to the end
Go shawty, we back up in this bitch again
We party, harder than you can imagine
You can run wit losers, or run wit winners that win
AHH!

[lvl_a_i_l]

Artist: Jay-Z
Album: The Black Album
Song: 99 Problems

If you havin girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one
I got the Rap Patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics that say he's "Money, Cash, Hoes"
I'm from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those?
If you grew up with holes in your zapatoes
You'd celebrate the minute you was havin dough
I'm like **** critics, you can kiss my whole *******
If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward
Got beef with radio if I don't play they show
they don't play my hits - well I don't give a ****, SO!
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers!
I don't know what you take me as
Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
I'm from, rags to riches, niggaz I ain't dumb
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - hit me!

99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - hit me!

The year is ninety-four, in my trunk is raw
In my rearview mirror is the motherfuckin law
Got two choices y'all, pull over the car or (hmm)
bounce on the Devil, put the pedal to the floor
And I ain't tryin to see no highway chase with Jake
Plus I got a few dollars, I can fight the case
So I, pull over to the side of the road
"Son do you know why I'm stoppin you for?"
Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low
Or do I look like a mindreader sir? I don't know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?
"Well you was doin fifty-five in the fifty-four;
license and registration and step out of the car -
are you carryin a weapon on you? I know a lot of you are"
I ain't steppin out of ****, all my papers legit
"Well do you mind if I look around the car a little bit?"
Well my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the back
And I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that
"Aren't you sharp as a tack! You some type of
lawyer or somethin, somebody important or somethin?"
Child I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my ****
"Well we'll see how smart you are when the canine comes"
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - hit me!

99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - hit me!

99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - hit me!

Now once upon a time, not too long ago
A ***** like myself had to strongarm a hoe
This is not a hoe in the sense of havin a pussy
But a pussy havin no God damn sense, try an' push me
I try to ignore him, talk to the Lord
Pray for him, but some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
And only thing that's gon' happen is I'ma get to clappin and
he and his boys gon' be yappin to the Captain
And there I go, trapped in the Kit-Kat again
Back through the system with the riff-raff again
Fiends on the floor, scratchin again
Paparazzis with they cameras, snappin them
D.A. try to give a ***** shaft again
Half a mill' for bail cause I'm African
All because this fool was harassin them
Tryin to play the boy like he's saccharin
But ain't nuttin sweet bout how I hold my gun
I got 99 problems B and a bitch ain't one - hit me!

99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - hit me!

99 problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - hit me!

.. Whoo! Whoo! Uh, uh
Havin girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one, ha ha!
You crazy for this one Rick! It's your boy!

[lvl_a_i_l]

this is one of the best sons ever
tupac ft 50 cent
realist killaz
"The Realist Killaz"
(feat. 50 Cent)

[GUNSHOT]
Yo Redd Spyder (ooh-wee) is that 50 Cent/Pac joint ready?
[gun cocking] Let me know, holla

[2Pac - from the song "Smile"]
There's gon' be some stuff you gon' see
That's gon' make it hard to smile in the future

[50 Cent]
Yeah *****! Ha ha
Let's go *****, this is what it is
Tupac cut his head bald
Then you wanna cut yo' head bald (you PUSSY *****!)
Tupac wear a bandana
You wan' wear a bandana
Tupac put a cross on his back
You wanna put crosses on yo' back
***** you ain't Tupac - THIS Tupac!

[Verse One: 2Pac]
Is it, money or women to funny beginnings, tragic endings
I can make a million and STILL not get enough of spending
And since my life is based on sinnin, I'm hellbound
Rather be buried than be worried, livin held down
My game plan to be trained and, military
Mind of a Thug Lord, sittin in the cemetary
Caught, I've been lost since my adolescence, callin to Jesus
Ballin as a youngster, wonderin if he sees us
Young black male, prog sales got me three strikes
Livin in jail, this is hell, enemies die
Wonder when we all pass is anybody listenin?
Got my, hands on my semi shotty, everybody's bitchin
Please God can you understand me, bless my family
Guide us all, before we fall into insanity
I make it a point, to make my peep bumpin warlike
Drop some ****, to have these stupid bitches jaws tight.

[Chorus: 50 Cent + (2Pac)]
'Til Makaveli returns, it's +All Eyez On Me+
(What do we have here NOWWW?)
And you can hate it or love it, but that's what it's gon' be
{oooooooooohhhh}
You shoulda listened, I told you not to **** with me
(What do we have here NOWWW?)
Now can you take the pressure, that's what we gon' see
[click clack, GUNSHOT]

[Verse Two: 50 Cent]
Now since you're cryin for mercy I promise
My success'll be the death of you
Lo and behold you sold your soul
***** there's nuttin left of you
Look in the mirror, ask yourself who are you?
If you don't know who you are, how could your dreams come true?
Motherfucker, I sat back and watched
You pretended to be 'Pac, you pretended to be hot
But you're not (NOWWWW) - I see it so clear
You can't take the pressure, you pussy
I warned you not to push me
You see me and chills run up your spine
Hardly even in the same war, but your heart ain't like mine
Press, they look at me like I'm a menace
I was playin with guns
while your momma had your punk ass playin tennis
I'm a nightmare, you see me when you dream
Wake up, turn on your TV and see my ass again
You cowardly hearted, you couldn't make it on your own
**** THE SOURCE, I'm on cover of Rolling Stone
(YOU PUSSY!)

[Chorus]

G-G-G-G-Unit!

[Chorus]

[gunshot]

[lvl_a_i_l]

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Eamon -
F**k It (I don't want you back)

"I Don't Want You Back"
See I dont, know why, I liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, I loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, I wanna let u know that I feel

{Refrain:}
**** what I said it dont mean **** now
**** the presents might as well throw them out
**** all those kisses, it didnt mean jack
**** you, you ho, I dont want you back
**** what I said it dont mean **** now
**** the presents might as well throw them out
**** all those kisses it didnt mean jack
**** you, you ho, I dont want you back

You thought, you could
Keep this **** from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, I heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another hag, look elsewhere
Cause ya done with me

{au Refrain}

Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah

Ya questioned, did I care
You could ask anyone, I even said
Ya were my great one
Now it's, over, but I do admit I'm sad
It hurt real bad, I can't sweat that, cause I loved a ho

**** what I said it dont mean **** now
**** the presents might as well throw em out
**** all those kisses it didnt mean jack
**** you, you ho, I dont want you back

Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah
Oh oh oh oh
Uh hun yeah
...

[lvl_a_i_l]

Q. Why did the homsi stare at the orange juice? A. Beacause it said "concentrate!"

[lvl_a_i_l]

Why are there no phone books in China? Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.

[lvl_a_i_l]

Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

[lvl_a_i_l]

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've reached Date: 16 June 2004 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to Seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[lvl_a_i_l]

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver owned the car. Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it? Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it. Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body. Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[lvl_a_i_l]

There was a boy and a girl. The boy wanted to go to jail to visit his dad and the girl wanted to go to the hospital to visit her mom. So, there is this bus goign around 1 mile per an hour and it spinning extremly fast around, and around. Both of them want to go to the bus but the bus is going super fast how are they goign to get to the bus if its goign super fast :confused:



















The answer is the boy will push the girl by the bus and goes to jail for pushing her and she goes to the hospital because she got injured very bad.

:) :) :) :)

[lvl_a_i_l]

one day a blonde walks into a bar and tells the owner that she wants to buy the T.V in there while pointing at it... so they guy tells her "we don't sell blondes in here." she went back home and dyed her red. she went to the bar again and asked for the same T.V... but the guy tells her "we don't sell blondes in here."... she went back home and dyed her hair black.. she went to the bar again and asks the guy for the same T.V again... so the guy reapeats for the third time "we don't sell blondes"..she got really pissed so she asked him.."i dyed my hair three times... how did u know that i'm a blonde?"....he told her..."you have been pointing at a microwave...not a T.V!!!"

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[lvl_a_i_l]

A Jew, an Italian, and a Greek all die and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them: You are all guilty of horrible crimes and must go to hell. He tells the Jew: you are guilty of greed. He tells the Italian: you are guilty of gluttony. He tells the Greek: you are guilty of homosexuality. He tells them all: I will let you have one more chance since God is a forgiving God. He sends them back to Earth to sin no more. The three are walking down the street together when the Italian says: Do you think he meant what he said? But just then he saw a pizzaria and yelled: Yea! Pizza! As he entered the door "POOF" he disappeared. The Jew and the Greek looked at each other in shock. They decided they had better be more careful. a few paces later, the Jew sees a dollar on the ground and bends over to pick it up. "POOF" the Greek disappears!

[lvl_a_i_l]

5 homsi men decided to visit Damascus for the first time in their lives. After they have arrived to the garage, they started walking in the streets with no specific goal in mind. But after a couple of hours of continous walking they have reached a small farm near Harasta, they were so tired that they could not walk any more.they met the farm owner and bought five donkeys from him and they ride the animals and took the right way to Damascus. They entered damscus, but as we know it is very croudy in Damascus and they made things worst. The policeman saw them and shouted: hee hee guys, what the hell are you doing here with your donkeys. with surprise they answered we do not know, the donkeys are leading us. The police man said:what donkeys are leading you to this croudy places, I am sure that you are from Homs.They replaied: yes you are right but the donkeys are from Damascus.

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[lvl_a_i_l]

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. "Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months...and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?", asked the frightened couple. "COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?"

:D :eek: :D :eek: :D :eek: :D :eek: :D :eek:

[lvl_a_i_l]

An Arab man came to America as a new immigrant, he would stroll down the city, and at times the mall. He wanted to get aquainted with the ways of the Americans. So one day during his usual stroll in the mall he stopped to look at a man that put a dollar into a coke machine, and pressed a botton. Soon a bottle of soda appeared on the bottom tray of the machine. The man picks it up and leaves. This was new to the Arab man, he's never seen anything like it. So he thought to give it a try. He took a dollar and inserted it into the machine, he pressed the botton and recieved a soda. Again the Arab man inserted another dollar, pressed another botton and recieved another bottle of soda. He did this multiple times. Soon there was a long line of people waiting for him to be done. Seeing that the Arab man had plenty of bottles to satisfy him a man in the back screams "Hurry up man!!" The Arab man turns to the American and tells him " Be quiet! As long as I keep winning the prize, I'm going to keep putting money!!! *** Not to say that Arab Men are dumb, but we all need laughs sometimes!!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[lvl_a_i_l]

there was man and his wife waiting for a bus with thier 13 children and there was a blind man standing next to them...the bus arrives the children and the wife go on and the drver says there is no room left on the bus so the lind man and the father had to walk to the next stop....on the way there the man kept on hitting his stick on the ground and it was making aot of nois so the father says why dont u put a rubber at the end of your stick and thee blind man says if u put a rubber at the end of your stick we would be on the bus rite now..............aahahahhahahahahah

[lvl_a_i_l]

An international interviewer desided to make an interview with a (Homsi...)about the acheivments of Homsi's cultures between now and the old past so he went to Homs. As arriving there he found a Homsi and began the interview: " How are the achievments improved between your old and present ways of thinking of your cultures withen the centuries? the Homsi proudly replied " Our gradfathers were giving instant answers for quistions. For example, They say that 2*2=2 while now every thing improved. For example 5*5 now is not equal to 5. It means that five beat five so there are five killed and five in the jail"

[lvl_a_i_l]

There is a German, an American and a Homsi in prison, with 3 choices to die. The first way is to get shot, the second is to get hung, and the last is to get injected with HIV. So the German says shot me right in the head, and they did. The American said hang me, and they did. The Homsi said inject me with HIV. The first time they injected him he started laughing. The second time he did the same. The third time the guards asked him why he was laughing. He said,"hahahahahaha,nothing happened cause i was wearing a condom


:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[lvl_a_i_l]

A man is caught in traffic when suddenly someone taps on the window. >He lowers the window and asks what he wanted. >The man says, President Bush was kidnapped and the ransom is $5 Million >dollars, and that if the ransom is not paid, the kidnappers have >threatened to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire! >"We are doing a collection, do you wish to participate?" >The man asks "on the average what are people giving?" >The man says "5 to 10 liters!"

:p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p :p

[lvl_a_i_l]

There was a blond, brunette and a redneck, all three of them worked in the same office, every day their boss left 2 hours early before the office closed, so one day all three of the women got together and decided to also cut the work day short and leave exactly 10 minuets after their boss left. So that is exactly what they did, the next day after their boss left they too left. The redneck went to a bar The brunette went shopping …and the blond went home, and found her husband in bed with her boss, so the blond crept out of the house and went back to the office. The next day all three of them got together to talk about what happened, the brunette and the redneck said, “Lets do it again today” but the blond fearfully interrupted them saying, “You girls can go along, but I can’t, I almost got caught yesterday!!”

[lvl_a_i_l]

There was a blond, brunette and a redneck, all three of them worked in the same office, every day their boss left 2 hours early before the office closed, so one day all three of the women got together and decided to also cut the work day short and leave exactly 10 minuets after their boss left. So that is exactly what they did, the next day after their boss left they too left. The redneck went to a bar The brunette went shopping …and the blond went home, and found her husband in bed with her boss, so the blond crept out of the house and went back to the office. The next day all three of them got together to talk about what happened, the brunette and the redneck said, “Lets do it again today” but the blond fearfully interrupted them saying, “You girls can go along, but I can’t, I almost got caught yesterday!!”

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[lvl_a_i_l]

A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon with her for $500. So they do.Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.' On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note: Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that: 1.. it had never been occupied; 2.. that there was plenty of heat; 3.. that is was small enough to make me cozy. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain Unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady. Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady

[lvl_a_i_l]

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied,"$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The,president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady , "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[lvl_a_i_l]

An American, a Brit and an Iraqi are in a bar one night having a beer. The Yankee drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the States our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Brit obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Britain we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either." The Iraqi, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the American and the Brit. He says "In Baghdad we have so many Americans and Brits that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

[lvl_a_i_l]

Top 10 Reasons Basketball Is Better Than Sex...

10. Ball Movement Is Key
9. You Can Set It Up Or Go For The Fastbreak
8. If You Need A Break, You Can Call A 20 Second Timeout
7. There Is A Coach Telling You When To "take It To The Hole"
6. Being Double-teamed Is Common
5. You Can Pass It Off, So Your Buddy Can Score
4. If Scouts Like Your Performance, You Turn Pro
3. You Know You Are Done When The Horn Sounds
2. You Always Try To Score Within 24 Seconds
1. There's Always Someone With A Towel To Clean Up Any Wet Spots

[lvl_a_i_l]

A snail was dreafull walking to a bar for a drink, and just as he got there.. the bar was closing. so he asked the bartender please I need a drink! the bartender goes: get the hell outta here you miserable snail, and kicks the snail as hard as he could. two years after.. the snail came back to the bar. so the bartender looked at the snail in disgust and said NOW What do you want ha? so the snail says: what the hell did you do that for???

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[nscopex]

Is this just to rasie your post count? Copying Lyrics an jokes online?

[nscopex]

So i looked threw and they are all his replies, and only 32 views.... LMAO

[John-]

i viewed earlier.

i guess i dont mind reading jokes people post on forums but you should follow some kind of golden rule like

if you dont find it funny yourself, dont post it.

to many times i have seen a joke on a forum and thought that it was unbelievably terrible.
but then again thinking about it i guess everybodies taste in jokes are different.

here is a joke that when i read it i thought was quite funny.

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City
Building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling
of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly,
"Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very
arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No.5, $200 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is
about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful
women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says

"Broccoli. 49 cents a pound."